


Scared

by gutterfortunecookie



Category: James McAvoy - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fertility Issues, Fluff, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 04:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13826889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutterfortunecookie/pseuds/gutterfortunecookie





	Scared

There were too many thoughts going through her head.

She looked to the box and wasn’t ready for another disappointment. Her thumb pushed the edge of the rough paper so she could hear the small tear of the closing. She stopped, terrified to go through the pain again. She carelessly tossed the small box across the bathroom, not caring as it clamored to the floor behind the hamper.

“I got Indian for dinner! I don’t know how strong it is.”

“Damn.”

She’d been too wrapped up in herself to hear him come in as happy as he always was. She pushed herself off the floor and straightened herself out. When she turned the corner to see his face, he knew what had happened or more what hadn’t happened. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t hide her feelings from him.

“It didn’t happen?”

Everything that had been bottled up was close to overflowing and she wished that it wouldn’t happen but she was a big girl; her mind was made up.

“We need to talk, James.”

“Oh, sweetie,” he smiled as he wrapped his arms around her, “I’m sorry. Maybe we were trying too much.”

“James.”

“We could take a break for a while. Maybe I could start wearing underpants...”

James was too sweet and always made the best out of any situation. That would make her conversation harder. She’d hate this part.

“I want to take a break.”

“Consider it done.”

“No, James!”

She broke away from him. James was frozen at how quickly she backed away. As she flattened her back to the wall, she took a breath and forced her mouth to open.

“I want to break up.”

“What?”

“I want to break up, James. Things aren’t working out here.”

“Really? Because of a single little bump?”

“Please don’t drag this out.”

“I’m not dragging anything but my feet to the kitchen because I’m starving.”

“James, can you take this seriously or at least care about what I have to say?!”

He stops from turning and makes sure his controlled reddening face is inches from hers.

“What makes you think I don’t care? You said you didn’t want to live in the city so I moved you here away from everything. When I proposed, you said you didn’t want to get married until your degree. You said wait for the wedding but try for a baby because it would be months at best and it would help you focus on school. Even then, I told you I would look for cribs and damn baby things!”

Her back stayed against the wall as she searched for the words she was ready to spit out but she knew she had to stay calm.

“No.”

“What?”

James ran his fingers over the top of his hair and shook his head.

“You heard me. I said no. If this is a problem, we can see someone. Maybe, it really is me. We’ve been through too much shit together for this and there is no way that you’ve thought every option through. Tell me what you really want, woman.”

He closes the space between you. His hands hold both sides of your face so that you cannot hide it. His brow presses to yours and in any moment either one of you could cry. Your heart was already in too many pieces over the three years you’ve been together.

At first, you both had almost one too many scares but as time grew on, you felt like you were being punished. Now, you only wanted the pain to stop.

“I can’t...”

“What? You don’t want me anymore just because shit got tough? Fine.”

He backed away. He was hurt to his core but there was still a smile to his beautiful face. She stayed frozen to the wall as she heard James walk to the kitchen. If he wasn’t going to go then she knew she may have to. She was pulled from her racing thoughts as the front door slammed shut enough to make her jump.

“James?”

She ran to the kitchen when she didn’t get an answer. She’d held herself wonderfully when she told James to leave but the sight of her share of the food sitting alone on the counter broke her. Tears streamed from her eyes. Her arms went weak and shook as did the rest of her body. Grief struck her as she suck to the floor and sobbed, echoing the kitchen.

-

Her stomach didn’t hurt but she prayed that it wasn’t food poisoning. She rolled to her side and waited for the tale-tell rumble in her stomach that had stopped the previous day but she didn’t want to chance anything. In the stress of James leaving and the Indian food, her body was a complete wreck. It pained her to get out of bed and gather wait she needed to make herself better.

After so many trips through the apartment then back to the bed, she realized how much James had cared of her, loved her. For now, she only took her medicine and returned to the bed. She closed her eyes and listened to the leaking spout in the bathroom that James would always make sure was turned off. He would have turned off the AC by now as well because she enjoyed it. She pulled the sheets up to her chin to bug the cold air away.

As she slept, she turned to James’ side and unfolded her arm just to try and feel what wasn’t there. The time alone made her think but all she could think about was James. She missed him terribly. It was too much that she could imagine the bed shift and her arm went for its usual place.

Her dream was cruel enough to made her believe that the added warmth was really him. She buried her nose into the mattress but could smell him, fresh and warm from a shower, just like she liked it. Rather than wait for the dream to disappear, she choice to end it so she wouldn’t cry.

She felt like she would as she opened her eyes and saw James’ soft grin. The bathroom light shone across the carpet, giving her enough light to see him. He laid on the top of the sheets with a towel around his waist.

“I left with only my part of the food. I didn’t have a change of clothes. Motels don’t exactly give out clothes and I couldn’t prance around in a robe. Are you okay?”

“Just getting over an upset stomach.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all. Promise.”

“Good.”

“James...”

“I already know. Just sleep and we’ll talk in the morning.”

It was good to have James back, even if it was only for the night. She tightened her arm around his waist and fell asleep faster than she remembered. She could feel herself smile.

-

Things were perfect. She hated that word down to her core but that was the only word that would fit as such. She slowly started to wake from the raising sunlight trying to make its way through the shutters. She laid on her side with James’ arm comfortably under her. She suppressed her grunt and forced herself up to shut the day away for just a little longer.

“We can get black out curtains.”

“That sounds nice,” she smiled as she made her way back to the bed.

The sight of James sprawled out on his back made her climb passed her side and straight to straddling his hips. He shifted himself a bit and she smiled to his morning business pressing against her. A twinge poked at her like he did and something wanted to keep him to the bed and tear into him like a piece of fresh meat.

It was something… new but she didn’t care.

James’ hands moved from his side to the sides of her thighs.

“Good morning, Darling.”

His fingers fiddled with the edge of her loose sleeping shirt. She didn’t have it in her to answer him. She only leaned over him and kissed his lips. He kissed her back, holding the back of her neck to keep her in place. He pressed himself against her as a small moan from her was felt on his lips. He made her know that he still wanted her. She shifted her hips, keeping her hips under control as each of their kisses grew a bit deeper and hungry as they already were.

James moved his hands up her body, collected the shirt at his wrist and pulled the fabric up over her head. Once off, she pressed herself against him.

“I want you to tell me what you want.”

She broke away with a giggle. She took his hand and pressed them to her breasts.

“I need you to focus. Stop being a dick and use yours. ‘Kay?”

“That’s a start but okay.”

James pulled his hands from hers and held her as he spun quickly to the mattress. The yelp from her made him smile as he buried it into her neck with the same kisses that never changed for her. Her fingers twined into his hair to hold him closer and his own hooked into the side of her panties. She enjoyed the rough jerk of her panties moving down her legs.

“I think you’ve been thinking too much, dearie.”

She dug her teeth into her lower lip as she looked to the towel that James jerked from his hips and let fall on the floor. Her eyes went to his hand as he touched himself; his fingers wrapped around his cock as he worked his hand for her to watch. His other hand reached for her thigh and pulled her forward. The rush of the warm sheets against her back and the crash of his chest to hers was something she missed as she wrapped her arms around him.

“Maybe I should give you one thing and one thing only to think about.”

She lifted her hips and pressed herself to him. The sensation. The twinge of him as he teased her with the tip of his cock. His lips were slow to kiss their way down her neck to the top of her chest. The first shift of his hips spread her legs further apart than they already were. The second filled her.

James groaned at the feel of her around him. His hips were slow. Her eyes closed as her nails dug into the skin on his back. The grip of her hands to him never changed. She tilted her hips, feeling him move deeper. Her gasps filled his ear as her head gently rolled back to the pillows.

She could feel no worry or grief or any pain but the delicious build between her legs. His hips grinded harder, rougher against hers. Her gasps turned to growing moans.

“You are all I need.”

His teeth raked down her ear to the bottom bit of her neck. A small bite added made her back arch into him. His arm held her closer as he thrust into her. Her hands gripped the life from him and went weak as her voice, her beautiful voice filled his ear. He groaned, holding tightly to her as he came. He could feel his head sin. It was the smell of her, her skin and the relief of her hands wandering his skin.

He opened his eyes and met her soft smile.

There were too many things she wanted to say.

“Hi there.”

He smiled for her.

“Well, hello.”

He dropped to his side and pulled her with him. His arms held her to him. He buried his lips into her hair with a kiss. Her nose turned into his chest.

“Stay.”

 

_Two days later_

 

James hummed as he moved the bristles against the tiled bathroom floor. He moved the laundry hamper with his foot and stopped as his eyes found the half opened pregnancy test.

He could remember falling asleep with her next to him and when they woke, they dressed and sat across from one another. Things would carry on no matter how hard things got and if the worst happened, he would still be there.

He chose to leave the box in its place. It was her choice if she wanted to find it again and he would make sure he didn’t smother her about it. He pushed the hamper back and turned into the hall at the sound of her footsteps in the hall. She looked up from her book and kissed his cheek.

“I’m gonna take a break.”

“And the studies will be there when you get back. The start of dinner too.”

“Dinner? I was going to invite you for a nap.”

“A nap sounds good. Go on first and I’ll catch up. No stress, no problems. Say it.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

“That book better not open again.”

She stopped and tossed the text book to the bedroom floor. She turned back for the bathroom. She was happy to see the floor swept from baby powder that James accidentally spilled. Everything was the same but something was well out of place. Her eyes glued themselves to the hamper and knew there was no space anywhere to leave it but in the trash.

Her fingers couldn’t let go of the test. It would have been a waste to trash it. Her thumb bent under the opening and tore it apart.

James wiped his hands and set the small bit of pork in the oven.

“Oh, that is going to be good.”

He turned for the bedroom, strange to see the textbook on the floor and the bed empty and neat.

“Marco?”

“Polo!”

James was knocked from his feet as he was crushed between the carpet and her.

“What in the hell, woman?!”

He rolled to his side, confused to the paused look on her face. He looked down to the bit of familiar plastic in her hands.

His eyes met hers.

“Shall we,” he asked as her hands that the damn thing go.

She watched the shook in James’ face as a smile slowly grew.

“Yeah, we will.”

“Are you...”

The both of them read the positive test through their happy tears and let it drop from their hands.

“Yes.”

She laughed as he did, seeing the reddening of his joyed cheeks.

“Oh my god,” he sobbed as she kissed his head, “I’m going to be a dad.”

 


End file.
